What does it feel like to lose $2,000,000,000.00?

I’m reacting of course to JP Morgan’s loss and thought this deserved a proper obituary. RIP

2 Billion Dollars up in smoke, derivative trades and trendset in 2009, dies at 3

JP Morgan’s ‘London Whale and banking extraordinaire’ died a press-induced death on Thursday after suffering from implications of a credit crisis. JP’s 2 billion deposited by the 1% in hiding, trusted their spokesperson Jamie Dimon to reflect on “bad judgement and sloppiness”. Jamie remembers fondly, breaking eggs to make omelettes.

The risk of infection spreading from the 2 billion sadly remains unclear, but optimism remains as “lessons have been learned”. The well dressed hedgers that came out for the funeral were looking weary. “Long nights were spent trying to save the patient”, said a source close to the defunct.

In his earliest role 2 billion provided sustanence to the wealthiest of our compatriots, nice cars for the proud, and great food for the refined.

2 Billion is survived by a trophy wife, Ben Bernanke, and a shelved risk model. The $SPY might not have survived and hasn’t been seen since Jamie spoke.