Calvin and Hobbes Snowman

The Best Haunted Houses (US)

This press release deserves some press. Though just a little… The Top 31 Haunted Houses in the US.

What caught my attention was the 31, why not? 31 is as good as any other number. October 31st, ok, right… I started wandering around the sites and surprisingly they look earily similar. Spooky. Is it possible that haunted houses are big business taking advantage of economies-of-scale and cheap Chinese labor? “I’d like 200 gallons of fake blood please. And could you ship that fake blood to 24 different haunted houses? Leave the delivery on the doorstep.” That got me wondering whether haunted house fans are more like roller coaster fans or more like Michelin Guide reviewers. How else would you come up with that list of 31? Do they visit in disquise and carry a special id card? Can haunted house reviews drive the chief ghost or goblin to suicide if they lose their ranking? (I’m thinking of Bernanrd Loiseau.)

In an attempt to answer these questions I’ve applied as a Scare Actor for Team Torment (here). “No previous acting experience or costumes are needed.” and the role will “test both your physical and mental limitations”.

I’m curious how Team Torment formulates a rejection letter. Scary.

Calvin and Hobbes Snowman

1. Spookywoods,  High Point, North Carolina
2. The Darkness & Creepy World,  St. Louis, Missouri
3. Thrillvania's Verdun Manor,Terrell, TX
4. Headless Horseman,  Ulster Park, New York
5. Cutting Edge Haunted House,  Fort Worth, TX
6. The Beast & Edge of Hell,  Kansas City, MO
7. Scarehouse,  Pittsburgh, PA
8. Erebus Haunted House,  Pontiac, MI
9. Wisconsin Feargrounds,  Waukesha, WI
10. Netherworld,  Atlanta  area, GA
11. The Dent Schoolhouse,  Cincinnati, OH
12. Bates Motel,  Glen Mills, PA 
13. House of Torment,  Austin, TX
14. Bennett's Curse,  Baltimore, MD
15. 13th Gate,  Baton Rouge, LA
16. Nightmare on 13th,  Salt Lake City, UT
17. Haunted Hotel,  San Diego, CA
18. Asylum Haunted House,  Denver, CO
19. House of Shock,  New Orleans, LA
20. Night of Terror, Mullica Hills, NJ
21. Nightmare on the Bayou,  Houston, TX
22. Dead Acres,  Pataskala, OH
23. Haunted Schoolhouse.  Akron, OH
24. Nightmare New England, Lichfield, NH
25. Eastern State Penitentiary - Terror Behind the Walls, PA
26. Land Of Illusion,  Middletown, OH
27. Dream Reapers,  Melrose Park, IL
28. Haunted Overload,  Lee, NH
29. Seven Floors of Hell,  Berea, OH
30. Pirates of Emerson,  Fremont, CA
31. Field Of Screams,  Mountville, PA