Category Archives: Humor

Another Year (Tchin)

priorite-a-droiteAre you already tired of top 10 lists and reviews; the best, worst, top, bottom, favorite, saddest, ugliest, or even funniest? The people we lost, the music, the films, and viral videos all get pulled off a virtual shelf then pulled from a a virtual box. In truth these lists are stored in a relational database and prepped for release in November. You never know – the top 10 most viewed YouTube videos might need to be recycled for 15.

Of course predictions will be arriving any day. Here’s mine: in 2014 Google will  start adjusting the “Lists of Top” I prefer, automatically. The top 150 wing-suit videos, 45 cat jokes and the 5 most effective Federal Reserve programs. They’ll appear on my android phone without my asking. Relational databases are smart but Google is much smarter.

Lists of absurdities still catch my attention. I admit. (Thank you FTAlphaville) It’s harder to define absurd and as far as I know, you can’t measure absurd in hits, votes or dollars. Absurd appears only in hindsight.

Here are a few of my favorite dubious absurdities:

  • Buying a Tesla with Bitcoins.
  • My telephone asking me if it should record my commute and share it with my friends on Google+. (Anyone that knows my routine will appreciate this just a little bit more.)
  • Nicorette prices fluctuating with the price of cigarettes.
  • Debt, QE and its positive impact on ‘growth’ forever.
  • Herbalife pyramids

When you live, work and eat in France, absurdity often passes into the realm of the surreal.

My trading year left a lot to be desired, it was frankly absurd. Absurdities abound and they deserve attention (with or without a relational database) and a few lists of their own.

Hello?

Urgent Request To Pump Up A Penny Stock

There’s a first for everything.

Yesterday I had an odd and urgent request: “I need a stock chart on TDEY — I need it done within 3 hours, and I need you to hype it saying looks like it could see an NTEK type move long run.” 

Curious, I thought to myself what could this be about, and what in the world is TDEY? Or for that matter, NTEK? I actually read ‘DDAY’ in my head… Being in Normandy. The guy sent me to a link for AZFL and a charting video (with over 115,000 views) . I thought, this IS curious.

I don’t know the first thing about Penny Stocks, who buys them or how they come to be. I don’t like to be completely ignorant so I poked around a bit. Obviously, even if I was  offered a small percentage of the company I wouldn’t “Hype” a company to manipulate its stock price. I’m naive maybe, Apple spends billions to do just that. I imagine a college kid (or small get-rich marketing team) pretending to be Goldman Sachs, Apple, Disney, or General Electric. Master of the(ir) empire.

First, TDEY – 3D Eye Solutions, Inc.
3D Eye Solutions is a service provider, a developer and integrator for the 3D Stereo and Auto-stereo media industry. Ok… There’s a 3D Stereo industry?

TDEY

Seeking Alpha does a better job digging in a bit. (here) and there are hundreds of sites concentrating just on Penny Stocks (example). This surprised me.

I won’t waste more of your time on this, but the urgency did get me thinking. I noticed volume in Penny Stocks. Another surprise. After a quick Google search you see a press release explosion in November and the spam energy moves into over-drive. I wonder if it’s the same guy sending all this crap out.  How many companies start out with Penny Stock funding? Maybe I should fund brandnet under this regime. Would that even be possible? I could be providing services for the 3D investment industry.

This parallel universe, is it for real or for charlatans and hucksters?

Social Media Euthanasia

Every time I open Facebook I see a baby, a kid, a pet, or a plate of food. Sometimes I see a guitar, a bike, nail-art, a mountain, or a religiously inspired collection of words – though these, rarely in French. I also see likes, dislikes, thank yous and you’re welcomes. Depending how advanced in life you happen to be; crushing candies and farm animals. Most of what I see looks like what you see. But I see more babies than my 15-year-old daughter who sees more nail art and boy-bands; my mother sees more silver-haired trips to Europe…  But there is something none of us see.

L1002599Facebook ignores death. They do everything they can to mirror your every movement and sentiment, apart from putting a phone in your pocket, or no, they’re trying that as well. Facebook just can’t decide how to deal with death, a bit like in real life. How do we deal with death? Obviously, each individual deals differently, but in some fashion everyone celebrates death. They put flowers on the side of the road, throw flowers on the sea, bow their heads in prayer, or gather for a dinner. You can quit Facebook of course, but how do you celebrate your departure?

If I’ve had enough of Planet-Facebook, and I can’t take any more hamburgers, smiling kids in Halloween costumes, senior prom photos, or inspirational phrases, and I decide it’s time, it’s time for me to leave and find an electronic resting place with fewer cats, what can Facebook do for me? Nothing, absolutely nothing.

I’m sorry to go, I’ll miss you my friends, those that I’ve met on my travels through life, all of your kids and brilliant sayings. I’ll miss you, but you should all have fair warning that I’m leaving, shouldn’t you? We might want to fix a meeting on the other side of the curtain.

I’m imagining a Facebook Death-0-Timer or a kill switch Zuck. (Don’t hesitate to steal the idea, it’s all yours and I promise I won’t come after you for a little check, not before the movie.) I imagine my profile disintegrating, slowly, based on my Facebook death settings. Slowly my old photos disappear, my insightful commentary fades away, all of my data goes in the trashcan on the corner of your screen, and on the day and time of my choosing my profile goes black.

My friends, might even like it.

Debt, Veterans and the Non-Essential, Republicans

Drama Abandoned Land  ... HDR

The drama being played out in Washington and across the press spectrum reminds me again of manufactured drama, so I re-tell myself, avoid the excitement.  But anecdotes and humor abound and that’s where, head in hands, I have to bring “au moins” some words to blog.

  1. Open Air Memorials
  2. Essential vs. Non-Essential
  3. Debt Ceiling
  4. The Unthinkable
  5. Killing Jesus
  6. Market Reaction(s)

Continue reading

Al Franken John Oliver

This is absolutely worth watching!

Apple Pie – Bank Heist

bonnie and clydeI was wondering about insider trading today. Just a thought; a handful of people, Apple insiders, who are at this moment fully aware of what the market will do in 1 hr. Not just Apple. Lets say you’re in the know for the earnings which are due short(ly). Obviously you can’t trade Apple, but as a market moving stock could you just trade the index ahead of the announcement and be free-and-clear of any impropriety? A harmless quicky… I have no idea, but it’s a perfectly simple question. That question lead me to another market moving curiosity.

Did you see that ES flash crash after the fake AP tweet? I’m surprised it’s not bigger news. 260,000 ES contracts traded, $20 billion notational changed hands, and lots of traders got screwed as their stop losses got triggered. And that’s just the S&P futures market! Bonds, European Futures, Forex, VIX, Oil, everybody got hit for 3 minutes. Oh well… In those 3 minutes well over $1 trillion changed hands! Some serious commission…

Obviously most of those trades were algo driven, so maybe the weak link in High Frequency Trading (HFT)  isn’t the speed, or buggy trading programs (Knight…) after all, but the social media resources HFT uses to drive it’s algos. Just sayin, if you’re a bad guy, why try to hack an exchange, a fund, a market moving enterprise, or bank? Hack a Twitter account.

They might just find the culprit by looking at who really, I mean really, profited from that tweet. We just experienced a modern-day bank heist. Hello good guys? Maybe you should be googling B099i3 & C1yd3

Have fun into Apple’s earnings, I personally can’t wait till it’s over.