Tag Archives: JP Morgan

Austin Powers

JPM, $9.2 Billion Legal Expenses

Wi$e-Guy  Money Roll
These numbers just boggle the mind, but $9.2 billion is pre-tax, so…

Lets do the math.

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In the Absence of Insight

Claiming to be a trader is like claiming to be an artist; you might as well claim to be an astronaut.

The difference is, that unless you’ve been in space it’s nearly impossible to support that 3rd claim. As for being a trader well there are all kinds of traders, even my grandmother might stake that claim. She’s also an artist…

Knowing that the markets are a rigged game (for retail traders), is like knowing as an artist that the gallery scene is a rigged game. If you get in, you’re good, if not well… The expectation that there will be successful disruptive outsiders makes for a romantic story. Think Banksy.

When I see that JP Morgan had ZERO trading losses during the first quarter and then ZERO trading losses during the first half, it’s time to reflect on why we play this game. I’m sure the story is more complicated, maybe only partially true, but still, JP, if I could take this moment…

Day 6/365



What does it feel like to lose $2,000,000,000.00?

I’m reacting of course to JP Morgan’s loss and thought this deserved a proper obituary. RIP

2 Billion Dollars up in smoke, derivative trades and trendset in 2009, dies at 3

JP Morgan’s ‘London Whale and banking extraordinaire’ died a press-induced death on Thursday after suffering from implications of a credit crisis. JP’s 2 billion deposited by the 1% in hiding, trusted their spokesperson Jamie Dimon to reflect on “bad judgement and sloppiness”. Jamie remembers fondly, breaking eggs to make omelettes.

The risk of infection spreading from the 2 billion sadly remains unclear, but optimism remains as “lessons have been learned”. The well dressed hedgers that came out for the funeral were looking weary. “Long nights were spent trying to save the patient”, said a source close to the defunct.

In his earliest role 2 billion provided sustanence to the wealthiest of our compatriots, nice cars for the proud, and great food for the refined.

2 Billion is survived by a trophy wife, Ben Bernanke, and a shelved risk model. The $SPY might not have survived and hasn’t been seen since Jamie spoke.